we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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