please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
