i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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