New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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