Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I lost the right to judge tonight
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
