singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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