i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
