Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
