i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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