did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
