I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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