"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
