So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
