You're completely useless in the revolution.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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