I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
