and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
