JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
