Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
People in love make me want to vomit
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
