Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
