I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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