Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize