have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
