Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
