I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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