make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
