I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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