I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
