His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I have demons in me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
