I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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