We're facebook friends in real life
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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