you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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