Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
