You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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