I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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