We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You can't just leave with hair like that
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
