Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Is it penis luge time yet?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
