we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
