can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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