I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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