I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
