Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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