My underwear smells like fireworks.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
