I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
