therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
