you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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