It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
