i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
