So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
