1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i've created a new STD.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
