Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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