I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
